It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
