I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize