my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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