yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
