So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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