I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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