You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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