Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
