I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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