I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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