i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
