out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
