Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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