The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
