Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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