Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
