My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
