I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
