I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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