I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
