remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
