you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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