Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
