So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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