Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
