i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
