I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
