my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm passing your future prison.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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