Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
