you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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