I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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