then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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