We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
