I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
