he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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