Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
