I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
