When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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