It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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