so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
