watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
