Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize