Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
