two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
