i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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