hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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