Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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