just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
