so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i drank out of a bidet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
