It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize