I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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