ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
True college students do jello shots in the library
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
