Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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