I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
