OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
