I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just pee around me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
