I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
