I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Don't EVER smell your tampon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
