oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
