had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
