Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
