My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
