Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
