I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
