Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
