The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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