I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
