Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
