and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
